


infinite loops

by iwouldcurseworldsforyou



Series: shoot: rugrats edition [2]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, Panic Attacks, genderfluid!shaw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8364493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwouldcurseworldsforyou/pseuds/iwouldcurseworldsforyou
Summary: she probably just needed a firmware update.





	

**Author's Note:**

> you wanted more kid!shoot and now you have it!!! 
> 
> [tw for panic attacks]

root knows sameen is always happy to see her even if other people can’t tell. 

 

other people never knew how to look. they are the ones who are wrong, not sameen. sameen was probably as close as humanity could get to good code; root just hadn’t figured out a way to explain it yet. her output often got tangled in the useless flesh of her vocal cords, and nothing ever came out the way she intended when sameen’s dark eyes locked onto her own. 

 

she probably just needed a firmware update.

 

still, it was nice to be the only one to decipher the micro expressions on sameen’s face. or sam’s, depending on the day. 

 

[it was like having two friends, but not. two separate drives running on the same software, with different visual output. it fascinated root, and she carefully filed the information away in her favorite folder, but not before making a copy for her own personal use.]

 

to root’s pleasant surprise, she could hear the light taps of sameen’s bare feet coming down the sidewalk. the quick intervals indicated that she was running, and the softer sound meant she wasn’t racing someone, but was nearly skipping in eagerness. root found herself standing without running the command down her spine. 

 

this happened occasionally, her muscles moving unprompted, but was usually only in her friend’s presence. if root had to suffer the occasional loss of admin privileges, she’d rather it be because of sameen. 

 

root strode purposefully into the grass to meet sameen halfway, and braced her right foot slightly behind herself, readying her limbs for sameen’s inevitable greeting. they’re been working on asking each other before making contact, but in their mutual enthusiasm, sameen occasionally forgets that root is not always content in her own skin.

 

she’s grateful when sameen comes screeching to a halt a foot away from her, her anticipation clear in the way sameen clenches and unclenches her fists, and the minute twitching at the corners of her mouth. 

 

“can i--”

 

root’s nodding before sameen can even get the sentence out, and suddenly finds her arms fully of a vibrating ball of energy. 

 

“they said i wasn’t grounded because your turtle is okay and also because i tried really hard and now you can spend the night and--”

 

she doesn’t always process all of sameen’s words, sometimes they all run together in an incomprehensible rush, but that doesn’t prevent root from understanding the underlying message. sameen’s eyes roving over her quickly means she’s making sure root’s eaten and uninjured, the way she can’t kept her hands still around root’s back means she wants to be hugged tighter because she’s afraid that her parent’s will change their minds. and as always, the fact that sameen’s on her tiptoes means she still resents root for being slightly taller. 

 

“i’m okay sameen.”

 

“sam”, she corrects.

 

“i’m okay sam”, root replies softly.

“i was just checking.” sam grumbles, their lips pursing. annoyance, because they believe root thinks they’re being a sap, and sam believes being a sap makes you weak. 

 

root pushes them back gently while keeping her hands on top of sam’s shoulders. she too takes a cursory look over sam’s stained overalls and bright red shirt. “you forgot your shoes again, sam.”

 

they shrug. “you don’t need ‘em if you run fast enough.” they speak so casually, but root sees the way they shift from foot to foot. 

 

“you probably burned the bottom of your feet on the concrete again. sit down with me.”

 

“it doesn’t even hurt, root.” they protest.

 

“well  _ i’m _ going to sit. feel free to do whatever you want, sam.” root drawls, releasing sam’s shoulders before relaxing on the front porch swing. 

 

sam rolls their eyes in quite the spectacular fashion. root pushes herself back and forth on the swing in response, waiting. forcing sam to make decisions before they’ve thought it through upsets them and makes them edgy for the rest of the day. if root’s learned anything from spending time with sam, it’s how to be patient. 

 

sam hops up the porch steps, turns away from root, and crouches down. 

 

“what are you doing?”

 

root can feel the smirk rather than see it. “you said i could whatever i want. and i want to go back to my house and play on my atari. so hop on.”

 

“how chivalrous of you, sam.” root snarks, swinging her legs around their back. she has to keep up the facade of annoyance. gentle words are only allowed inside blanket forts late at night, long after sam’s parents have gone to bed. 

 

sam only grunts in return, shifting slightly to balance root’s taller body. 

 

“so how exactly did you manage to get ungrounded early?” root asks idly, not exactly curious, more so just to fill the empty air. 

 

“i’m really not sure. i showed them what i had been practicing on and their faces got all weird? and then they said stuff about not pretending and that they loved me.” sam begins, their pace slowing slightly as they consider her question. 

 

root’s brain whirls faster at the new information. “what do you mean, ‘weird’? and you didn’t show them that new back flip, right?”

 

“of course i didn’t”, sam hisses, insulted. “i keep falling at the last second, it’s not ready yet.”

 

“and the weird faces?”, root prompts.

 

at this, sam unconsciously holds root tighter to their back, and root returns the silent hug without question. “i don’t know. you know i’m not good at figuring that out all the time.”

 

root rests her chin on their shoulder. “but you’re good at watching, right? and remembering. you’re the best at following the coin under the cup at recess.”

 

they hum contentedly, reassured. “they looked sad i guess? their faces were pulled down and their eyes were wet. but it was a weird kinda sad. like a quiet sad maybe?”

 

“quiet how?”

 

“it wasn’t like a movie sad. it wasn’t dramatic. it was like they were sad but they were trying to hide it.”

sam carries root for a few more feet in silence. 

 

“what were you trying to show them, sam?” root asks cautiously. 

 

“that i wouldn’t be a freak anymore.” they grumble. 

 

root feels her chest short circuit a little, maybe that’s what people mean when they say their heart skips a beat. it feels like an infinite loop of hurt hurt hurt and--

 

sam notices when root stops moving. sam always notices when root gets caught in her own internal processing errors. 

 

sam’s hands gently tap her cheek, hitting ctrl+c, and root releases a breath she doesn’t remember holding. 

 

“you can’t say things like that sam. you can’t say things that aren’t true.” root pants, still out of breath. she watches sam’s hands hovering above root’s arms, wanting to pull her in tight safe warm, and root nods in consent at the desperate way sam’s eyes flick across her face. 

 

“i’m sorry, root. i won’t do it again.” they whisper in her ear. 

 

shallow breathing: fear. pounding heart: fear. goosebumps: fear fear fear. 

 

but their warmth is care, their embrace is relief, and their promise is love. 

 

sam has always been the best at love. 

 


End file.
